By this point, the newcomer is no longer only attending.
They are becoming part of the community.
As they begin rebuilding their life around the church, naturally they become more available. They attend more services and spend more time with church members. Their social life that might have once been dull, increasingly revolves around church activities. Most begin looking for ways to contribute. This usually
happens quickly, as I am sure many of you remember.
Someone asks if they would like to help set up chairs. Someone else invites them to join the music team. They are asked to help with children’s ministry, outreach, hospitality, youth events, sound, media, cleaning, or any number of other ministries. At first these requests often seem small, but they carry a powerful message:
“You matter here.”
Not only do we want you here,
“But we need you.”
For someone who just came from vulnerable circumstances that they were in, that message can be incredibly meaningful.
Not only do these people want to be their friends, but they also want them to be part of what is happening. They are no longer simply sitting in the audience. They are helping make things happen.
Alongside belonging comes purpose.
Psychologists have long recognized that human beings need more than social connection. We also need to feel useful, valued, and capable of contributing to something larger than ourselves. Self-Determination Theory identifies competence and relatedness as core psychological needs. In simple terms, people want to know that they matter and that what they do matters.
In these circumstances, both are provided.
The person begins experiencing a sense of ownership over and within the community. While investing time, energy, effort, and emotion into something that feels meaningful, they are finding a purpose. The more they contribute, the more connected they often feel.
Soon they are no longer just attending church.
They are helping run it.
They are part of it.
I just want to mention again that this experience is usually genuine.
They are not pretending to care. They genuinely care. There are people in the church system that genuinely care.
The problem is that this stage also creates investment.
Their friendships are now here. Their purpose is now here. Their weekly schedule is here. People are counting on them to show up. Responsibilities have been entrusted to them. Increasingly, their sense of self is becoming tied to the church and the role they play within it.
They don’t realize it yet, but they are beginning to build a life that would become increasingly difficult to walk away from. One that has all the things that they once desperately wanted, desperately needed. If they walked away, where would they be then?
And that makes the next step much easier.
Leave something for the murder
Does this sound familiar to you, relatable? We’d love to hear about your experiences.
Sources
Ashforth, B. E., & Mael, F. (1989). Social Identity Theory and the Organization. Academy of Management Review, 14(1), 20–39.
https://journals.aom.org/doi/10.5465/amr.1989.4278999
Why this source was used: Explains how people gradually begin to see membership in a group as part of their identity. This supports the discussion of newcomers becoming part of the church community and beginning to view themselves as members rather than visitors.
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
https://roybaumeister.com/1995/10/15/the-need-to-belong-desire-for-interpersonal-attachments-as-a-fundamental-human-motivation/
Why this source was used: Demonstrates that human beings have a fundamental psychological need for belonging and social connection. This supports the discussion of why newcomers often become deeply attached to church communities that provide friendship, acceptance, and support.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.
https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2000_DeciRyan_PIWhatWhy.pdf
Why this source was used: Explains why people are motivated by purpose, competence, and meaningful relationships. This supports the discussion of newcomers finding significance, responsibility, and a sense that what they do
matters.
#LetThemEatCrow #TheMurder #Exvangelical #SelfDeterminationTheory
Return to The Feed to Read More
Return to The Murder Landing Page
Keep the investigation going: Ko-fi
Leave something for the murder