Do you remember the first time you went to church?
Warm smiles everywhere you turned. People rushed up to shake your hand. It seemed like everyone wanted to talk to you. Several people probably got your phone number, and you were likely invited out to coffee, a Bible study, someone’s house, or even dinner.
A few days, or maybe a week, went by. By the next service, you already knew a surprising number of people by name. You were probably a little shocked by the amount of warmth and kindness coming your way.
It was nice.
It felt good.
Especially for those of us who had always felt like outsiders.
Or those of us who had just experienced a devastating loss.
Maybe someone we loved had died.
Maybe our marriage had fallen apart.
Maybe we came from abusive households.
Maybe we were carrying wounds no one else could see.
Some of us were living with overwhelming depression and couldn’t see a way
out.
Then it started to feel like the tide was finally turning.
You could breathe a little easier.
Things felt a little lighter.
For the first time in a long time, maybe you felt hope.
Maybe you had finally found somewhere to belong.
Maybe for the first time in a long time, you felt seen.
Perhaps for the first time ever… and that really meant something.
Does any of this sound familiar?
If the answer is yes, then you are not alone.
Let’s examine why those first few weeks left such a lasting impression on so many of us. Why, even though so many other memories may be murky, this one often remains so vivid.
So why do so many of us remember those first few weeks so vividly?
Was it simply because people were kind?
Or was something else happening at the same time?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being welcomed into a community.
In fact, healthy communities should make people feel seen, included, and valued.
That’s not what we’re talking about.
What we’re talking about is when that welcome becomes so intense, so immediate, and so overwhelming that it rapidly creates emotional attachment before trust has had time to develop.
That phenomenon has a name.
Love bombing.
Love bombing refers to a pattern of excessive or unusually intense displays of affection, attention, and inclusion. The term is most commonly used to describe the beginning of romantic relationships, where one person is flooded with attention, compliments, gifts, declarations of love, or constant communication, creating a powerful sense of connection in a very short period of time. While this can sometimes occur without malicious intent, it has also been described as a tactic that can accelerate emotional attachment and, in some circumstances, make psychological influence or dependency more likely.
Although the term is most often associated with romantic relationships, many survivors of high-control groups, including some religious communities, describe remarkably similar experiences during their first days or weeks. The details may differ, but the pattern is familiar: overwhelming warmth, immediate inclusion, constant invitations, rapid relationship-building, and a feeling that you have finally found somewhere you truly belong.
Now… Why does this work?
Well, because it speaks to one of our most fundamental human needs.
We are wired for connection.
We all want to belong.
We all want to feel like we’re part of something bigger than ourselves.
It didn’t happen because we were weak.
It didn’t happen because we were stupid.
It happened because we responded like human beings to one of the deepest needs we have.
There is nothing abnormal about responding to an important human need being met.
The mechanisms work because they’re operating on normal human psychology, not because we as survivors were deficient.
High-control groups often recognize and make use of this need exceptionally well. Whether intentionally planned or simply embedded in the foundation of the organization, the result is often the same: people who are searching for connection find it quickly, and powerful emotional bonds begin to form long before trust has had time to develop.
Sources
How Cults Manufacture Belonging Through Love Bombing | Psychology Today Singapore
Continue the Investigation
Love bombing is rarely the end of the story.
It is often the beginning. When you think back on those first weeks, what do you notice now that you didn’t notice at the time?
How long did it take before you felt like you belonged?
Once we feel like we belong, saying “yes” becomes much easier.
In the next article, we’ll look at how belonging naturally becomes participation, purpose, and increasing commitment.
#LetThemEatCrow #TheMechanisms #LoveBombing #TheMurder #HighControlReligion #Exvangelical #ManufacturingBelonging #Community
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